Archive | May 2013

Top Ten List of Things I Find Annoying


Here is a brief list and I am quite sure it will not be p.c.

1. Vocally overly religious or anti-religious people.  Let others make up their mind without making anyone feel stupid or that they are going to hell. I once knew a pagan girl who trashed the Catholic church any time she could. This meant meals and outings were ruined because she was relentless. Keep your spiritual views to yourself unless asked. Maybe we will agree, but I’d rather talk about other things.

2. Hipsters-Purposely wearing ugly clothes is so 1990s when I did it right the first time.

3. Parents who consider their kid a best friend-What you really are going to be called is Grandma in a few short years.

4. People who complain about their parents-Really? Yes, tell me all about the fight with your mother because I really miss mine all the time even after 12 years. A father who cares that you are still alive? Fascinating.

5.  Drivers who have done you the favor of being on the road-In Miami, turn signals are optional as are stop signs, rules of the road etc.

6. Bullying teachers. If the students have learning, emotional, or behavioral issues please get them outside help. We can only do so much in a roomful of kids and you being passive-aggressive with us sends an irresponsible message to your children.

7. The men that call you baby when you are trying to do business with them.-Only if I was a waitress would it work.

8. People who say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger-Forget you. What is the worst you have been through? I thought so.

9. Professional students who give you work advice. It is always lame and worthless.

10.  Adulters. -Enough said.

Yesterday on my way back from sushi my

Yesterday on my way back from sushi my neighbor I saw a woman lying on the the sidewalk next to Sunset Drive, a very busy street in suburban Miami. We pulled over and called the cops. I was absolutely positive she was in the process of passing over. Her pants were soaked in urine and she appeared not to be breathing. 911 informed me someone had already called. I wanted to leave, afraid of being in such close proximity to a possibly dead body. 

         I knew it would be so shitty if I left.  The fear was palable. Running away and hiding under the covers was all I wanted to do. My neighbor ran up to the woman and kept asking if she was okay. We were across the street from a dive bar. How she could have walked through the busy street was beyond me, so I wondered if she was thrown from a car. Painfully I imagined her missing the skin on the side that was resting on the sidewalk.

When the cops showed up she finally woke up. She only spoke Spanish and screamed not to be touched by the cops. “No me tocas” which means don’t touch me. The woman was at most 32. The cops shooed us away and they put on gloves. She is just a drunk they soothed us. My neighbor wanted to stay, but I wanted to leave. The drunk woman did not want us to leave.

I had to leave. She had to deal with her trouble. I hoped she wasn’t illegal and had to be going back to her country.  Image

Spirituality is Not Easy


I am a spiritual user and admitting it is the first step. Through my travels, I have come across so many wonderful people who taught me meditation: nuns, monks, old psychics who reeked of cat pee/cigarettes. All of them told me the same thing, “Do not be afraid, be patient.” I nodded my pretty little head and sat practicing what Buddha did all those centuries ago. Life would become better and I would gradually lose interest in sitting at home to achieve nirvana. Like clockwork, the old issues would return in new forms with me sticking my tongue out at them.

Why this again? I would ask the heavens. I meditated for a month and I got nothing for it, I would angrily say to no one in particular. So I would start and stop multiple times. Always gung-ho is the beginning and then snoozing by the end. I blamed religion and spirituality. It didn’t work, I reasoned because it just doesn’t. I slowly fell into bitterness and spat at the concept of holiness.

I have been meditating now since I knew I had to change jobs. After the dog walk, ten minutes during lunch in my car with the air-conditioning full blast and then a repeat at night after my reality shows. It didn’t bring peace at first. Nope I had bunny hopped too many times to coast on past efforts. This was starting from scratch. My mind would race thinking about unemployment, living in my car or sharing my dog’s food. It was exhausting and my anxiety would skyrocket, thus defeating the purpose. Then slowly, with some kindness from others, I began to feel better. I sent out resumes and joined a headhunter group. Things started turning around.

Then today I challenged myself, would I give this up again? Would I throw out six weeks of hardwork when life resumes its leisurely place? It took my a moment to realize I had been using spirituality as a means to an end. When I got what I wanted I raced off to join the living. This is a sobering self-truth and one I never considered before. If I didn’t get what I wanted from it, I’d pout. If I did get what I wanted, I left. Simple as that – a very complicated subtext of narcissism. So tonight I have decided to do away with spiritual expectations.

A wise man in Thailand told me that I was impatient and life was a journey and not a destination, sure Pops I thought. Easy for you to say when you have lived your life. However, he was exactly right and I needed that kick in the pants. Now I am giving myself that kick and it is exactly what I needed.  Only this time I am wearing a vintage floral dress.